Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

TOP TEN REASONS WHY COMPUTERS ARE MALE

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.

ISANG SULAT NA NAPULOT SA ISANG BAR SA MALATE ( INTINDIHIN NYO NA LANG! )


Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you.

Why?

What reason you can think about but you're very fat body. I thought
before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I'm
realize that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you
anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you're habit of
making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house
what he go home or this or that and then he say he get ashame to met
ieither in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise
you're very very, very fat body but you hate it thoughth your the
preetiest girls he knows about what do you think you are "Beautiful
Girl" of Jose Marie Chan even you are beautiful face to your think) you
do not have the right to called me whatsover or else different name one
time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality
because I'm never call you names iether in the front of Dennis or in the
backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name,
I don't have any other choice but to call you other different name to
like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING. You can't not blame Dennis for
exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier than you when you look
to us in the mirror. I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when
she is a girl.



FROM: THE SEXIEST GIRL OF D.M.



P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed.
Me or you? You or me? And the final is me.

BAKIT SINGLE ANG STATUS MO


Kaya heto ako at sasabihin ko sa inyo ang ilang mga rason kung bakit. Kesa kinukulit nyo ako kung bakit single ako at kung bakit d nyo rin maubos isipin bakit single pa kayo!

10. Perfectionist/Mapili
Yes, isang taong perpeksiyonista. Yung tipong dapat ganito ang magiging kapartner ko. Pag may nakilala, nakita lang na pangit ang kuko o may dumi lang, turn-off na agad. O kaya ang daming ayaw. Ayaw sa mabait boring daw, gusto bad boy/ pilya pero kapag pinaiyak ka tatanungin ka bakit ang sama mo bakit mo nagawa yun! Adik ka ba?! Ayaw sa cute, ayaw din naman sa panget. meron dyan gusto ka ayaw mo naman.. ung gusto m halos magtambling ka pero deadma parin yang stunts mO sa kanya! Pasaway ka rin e! Ano ba talaga kuya?

9. Busy Busyhan
Opo, eto yung ang mundo e gumagalaw lang sa libro at ballpen kung estudyante ka o kaya naman sa computer at files kung office staff ka. Yung tipong aalis ng bahay ng alas 6 o alas 7 ng umaga at uuwi ng bahay ng 6 hanggang alas 8 ng gabi [baligtad naman para sa mga nag tratrabaho sa call center]. Sabay tulog na. Kapag sabado masaya na sila sa tv, sa pagkain na niluluto ni mama at sa linggo naman sisimba at maghahanda na ng kelangan para sa lunes hanggang byernes. Pssssst… ka muna and pause for awhile…

8. Friendship Theory
Ano naman ito? Eto yung ang buhay ay kay bestfriend o kaya kay special friend na hindi masasabi sabi sa friendship nya sa loob ng kanilang mahabang panahon na pagsasama dahil baka daw maapektuhan ang pakikipagkaibigan at iwasan sya. Yung tipong pag may kasama si friendship na iba, nagseselos na wala naman sa lugar, pero syempre wag pahalata, kunyari happy sya for friendship. ABA! Oi lakasan mo ang loob at baka mamaya forever mong pagsisihan yan kaw rin.

7. Born-to-be-one (Authestic)
Eto yung nasa palad na ang pagiging single daw… Walang reason… Basta lang nabuhay sya sa mundo na mag-isa at feeling nya mamatay sya sa mundo ng mag-isa. Kesyo magmamadre o magpapari na lang. Asa kang tatanggapin ka pa noh!

6. Happy-go-lucky
Eto yung taong walang alam kundi kasiyahan at trippings. Kahit sino nalang basta no string attach. For fun lang daw... Walang halong seryosohan. ABA hoy! yang init ng katawan mo e ikiskis mo nalang sa pader. Makakahanap ka rin ng katapat mo!!!

5. Wrong Place
May nakaranas na ba nito? Yung pakiramdam mo nasa ibang mundo ka. Yung ang nakakaharap mo e yung mga hindi mo gusto, yung mga hindi mo hinahanap. Alam mo yun? Halimbawa nasa ibang bansa ka, pero ang hinahanap mo e yung amoy ng nasa sariling bayan mo. O kaya naman e nasa sarili mong bayan ka, nasa normal na lipunan, pero ikaw ang abnormal at hindi mo kayang sabihin na abnormal din ang hanap mo kung ayaw mong ibitin ka nila ng patiwarik.

4. Wrong Time
Eto yung mga tao na sinasabi na, “hindi pa ako ready e bata pa kasi ako” o kaya naman “hindi pa ako handa sa panahong ito, wala pa ako kayang ipagmalaki.” Yes meron pong ganyan. Yung feeling nila may tamang panahon para sa love. Awwwwwww. Aba kelan yun? Pag uugod ugod ka na at yung time mo e bitin na? O baka naman pag pang out of time ka na? Oist, sugod lang ng sugod…

3. Si parents kasi…
Yes, factor din ang komyunidad na ginagalawan mo. Una, ayaw pa ni mader o pader na magkaron ka kahit 22 anyos ka na at kelangan umabot ka muna raw ng 40 bago magkaroon ng gf/bf. O kaya naman ikaw mismo! Takot sa sasabihin ni parents at ni kapitbahay na tsismosa sa magiging kasama mo. Aba ikaw na nga ba ang sabihan na “Alam mo hindi kayo bagay. langit at lupa kayo.” Awwwww. Payo ko sayo, Pakialam nila diba? Palibhasa inggit!

2. Traumatic Experience
Eto kalimitan ang reason ng marami. “Ayaw ko na!!! takot na ako mangyari pa ang nangyari dati!” O diba ang drama ng layp? Yes, tama ka. Eto yung dahil sa past relationship mo, e until na ayaw mo ng magkaroon at sinumpa mo na ata ang magmahal. Dahil sa pinagpalit ka sa mas pangit, o kaya naman iniwan ka ng walang word na “bye-bye”, o dahil binugbog ka!, ano pa ba? Madami yan… wag na nating isa isahin at baka tumulo si tears…heheh Gayunpaman, eto lang masasabi ko mga hija at hijo. Ibat iba ang lasa ng pag-ibig. May mapait, may mapakla, may matamis at may maasim. Aba mapalad ka at natikman mo ang ibat ibang lasa nito. Kaya ikaw, Do not be afraid to fall in love again… malay mo sweetiness na ang malasahin mo next time. E di panalo ka sa lotto. Yan ang nagpapalakas sayo… Yang ang bumubuhay sayo, ang pag-ibig. tsk! drama!

1. EX to the nth power
Oi aminin!!! LOVE parin si Ex kahit 1 – 2 yrs na ang nakakalipas… May ganito naman. Yung tipong ilang taon ang nakakalipas, hindi parin makalimutan si ex. Yung pinagsamahan, yung tawanan, yung iyakan, at lahat ng nangyari sa inyo nung kayo pa. Malungkot man at sa kung anumang kadahilanan, maganda man o masama ito, kelangan nyong magpaalam sa isa’t isa. YES, after ay year sasabihin natin, im over him/her na, pero pag-usapan natin ang love at ang nangyari sa ating relastionship from the past, TADANNNNNNNNNNNNN, eto na, sya agad ang naalala mo. At habang nagkukwento ka, ouch may kirot, o kaya may ngiti at may bumabagabag sa ating kalooban…. Ano kaya yun? AMININ mo na kasi…. MAHAL mo pa si EX….
Isa lang ang masasabi ko, well mahirap sya kalimutan alam ko yan… pero open your heart and makipagdate ka, lumabas ka, at try to entertain someone. Wag mo ikumpara si ex sa iba. At give urself KITKAT, take a break..


BAKIT NGA BA?


Kung ang I LOVE YOU ay INIIBIG KITA, bakit ang umiibig
(I) at ang iniibig (YOU) ay mukhang tuwirang naglaho
sa pagkakasalin? Dahil ba kung umibig ang Pilipino ay
nawawala ang AKO at IKAW at nagiging isa at nagsasanib
sa KITA? Iyon din marahil ang dahilan kung bakit ang
kasal ay PAG-IISANG-DIBDIB at ang asawa ay KABIYAK NG
PUSO.



Bakit may tawag tayo sa limang daliri ng
kamay---HINLALAKI, HINTUTURO, HINLALATO, PALASINSINGAN
at KALINGKINGAN-pero sa daliri ng paa ay wala? Kung
ang bicycle ay BISIKLETA, bakit ang motorcycle ay
MOTORSIKLO at hindi MOTORSIKLETA? O kaya'y BISIKLO?



Bakit ang SILANGAN (kung saan sumisilang ang araw) at
KANLURAN (kung saan kumakanlong ang araw) ay maliwanag
ang ibig sabihin, pero ang HILAGA at TIMOG ay hindi mo
alam ang pinagmulan?



Kung ang likod ng tuhod ay ALAK-ALAKAN, bakit wala
tayong tawag sa likod ng siko? Kung ang IN ay
ginagamit sa gitlapi sa prito para maging PRINITO, sa
gisa para maging GINISA, at sa paksiw para maging
PINAKSIW, bakit sa laga ang ginagamit ay ang unlaping
NI para maging NILAGA. Bakit hindi LINAGA dahil hindi
naman natin sinasabing NIPRITO o NIGISA o NIPAKSIW?
Alin ba ang tama?



Bakit may tawag tayo sa four seasons-TAGLAMIG,
TAGSIBOL, TAG-INIT at TAGLAGAS-gayong ang panahon sa
Pilipinas ay TAG-ARAW at TAG-ULAN lamang? Kung may
inang PUTA, bakit walang amang PUTO? Lahat ba ng
lalaking kalapati ay matataas ang lipad?



Bakit nakagawian na nating sabihing isang SENTIMO at
limang SENTIMOS? Wala naman sa balarilang Tagalog ang
pagdudugtong ng "s" sa pangngalan para ito maging
maramihan. Hindi naman natin sinasabing limang PISOS,
'di ba? Kung ang left-handed ay KALIWETE, ano ang
right-handed?



Kung tradisyunal na nating itinuturing na ang ama ang
haligi ng tahanan, bakit ang asawang babae ay ang
MAYBAHAY at ang asawang lalaking ay ang TAO lamang?



Bakit nakasanayan na nating sabihin NAKAKAINIS,
NAKAKATAKOT o NAKAKAALIW? 'Di ba ang dapat na inuulit
ay ang unang pantig ng salitang-ugat? Kaya dapat ay
NAKAIINIS, NAKATATAKOT at NAKAAALIW.



Kung sinasabi nating AMOY ARAW, LASANG IPIS o MUKHANG
ANGHEL, mayroon na ba talagang nakalanghap ng araw,
nakatikim ng ipis or nakakita ng anghel?



Mayroon naman tayong LOLO at LOLA, AMA at INA, at TIYO
at TIYA, bakit wala tayong isang-salitang katumbas ng
SON at DAUGHTER, NEPHEW at NIECE, at GRANDSON at
GRANDDAUGHTER? Itinuturing ba nating asexual ang
ANAK,
PAMANGKIN at APO?



Bakit sa Tagalog maraming katumbas ang
LOVE---PAG-IBIG, PAGMAMAHAL, PAGSINTA, PAG-IROG,
PAGLIYAG, PAGGILIW? Dahil ba ang Pilipino ay likas na
palasintahin?





Bakit nga ba????

What do these automobile acronyms actually mean?

Here goes….

AUDI: A Used Dodge Incognito
BMW: Bavarian Money Waster
BUICK: Big Ugly Idiot's Cat Killer
CHEVROLET: Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks Every Time
CHEVY: Cheapest Heap Ever Visualized Yet
CHRYSLER: Chrysler Has Raped Your Sanity Loser - Expect Repercussions
DAEWOO: Damn Asian Engineering Works Only Occasionally
DODGE: Dear Old Dad's Garbage Engine
FIAT: Fix It Again, Tony
FORD: Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
GM: Genital Motors
HONDA: Horribly Overpriced, Needing Dad's Assistance
HYUNDAI: Hang Your UNDerwear Anywhere Inside
JEEP: Junk Everyone Eventually Piles
KIA: Korean Industrial Accident
MITSUBISHI: Manufactured In Taiwan Sold Under British Influence Shipped Here Incomplete
MOPAR: Move Over People Are Racing
NISSAN: Need I Say Something About Nothing
OLDSMOBILE: Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick`s Irregular Leftover Equipment
PONTIAC: Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
FORD: Falling Off Road Daily
HONDA: High ON Do it All
GMC: Gay Man's Cadillac

Knock Knock Jokes BY REQUEST


Knock knock.
Who`s there?
CASHEW NUT.
Cashew nut who?
Don`t tell me your sorry, CASHEW NUT. Baby when I know you’re only sorry you got caught…


Knock knock.
Who`s there?
SOLUSYON
Solusyon who?
SOLUSYON, sa Visayas at sa Mindanao
san mang sulok ng mundo na may Pilipino..

who’s there?
RIVERBOAT
RIVERBOAT who?
RIVERBOAT young when I first saw you. I close my eyes and flashback saw you standing there.

who’s there?
AGATHA
AGATHA who?
AGATHA feeling! That tonight’s gonna be a good night

who’s there?
COME BACK TO ME
COME BACK TO ME who?
COME BACK TO ME bok ang puso! wala ka ng magagawa kundi sundin ito.

who’s there?
SAFARI
SAFARI who?
got my hands up, they’re playing my song and now i’m gonna be ok. yeah! it’s SAFARI in the usa.

Who’s there?
Pork chop masarap lagyan mo ng ketchup.
Pork chop masarap lagyan mo ng ketchup who?
Pork chop masarap lagyan mo ng ketchup. Tonight I’mma fight ‘til we see the sunlight!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Pikachu
Pikachu who?
Pikachu, I’mma tell you one time.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Paniki.
Paniki who?
Oh Mickey you’re so fine, You’re so fine you blow my mind, Paniki! Hey, hey! Paniki! Hey, hey!

Source: Pinoy Tumblr

MGA BAGONG SALAWIKAIN NG MGA PILIPINO


* Ang buhay ay parang bato, it's hard.
* Better late than pregnant.
* Behind the clouds are the other clouds.
* It's better to cheat than to repeat!
* Do unto others ... then run!!!
* Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.
* Magbiro ka na sa lasing, magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, huwag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.
* When all else fails, follow instructions.
* Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.
* To err is human, to errs is humans.
* Ang taong nagigipit ... sa bumbay kumakapit
* Pag may usok ... may nag-iihaw
* Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin ... may utang.
* No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.
* Birds of the same feather that prays together ... stays together.
* Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.
* Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.
* Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan .... ay may stiff neck.
* Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.
* Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.
* Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.
* Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment
* Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.
* Better late than later.
* Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, sa paligid puno ng linga.
* Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!
* No man is an island because time is gold.
* Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto ... muta lang yan.
* Kapag ang puno mabunga ... mataba ang lupa!
* When it rains ... it floods.
* Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon ... mauubusan din ng kandila.
* Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw, minsan nasa vulcanizing shop.
* Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan ... sapul.
* Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.
* Ako ang nagsaing ... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.
* Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.
* Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.
* If you can't beat them, shoot them. (Nalundasan)
* An apple a day is too expensive.
* An apple a day makes seven apples a week. (really expensive)

50 THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

    1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
    2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
    3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!
    4. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.
    5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
    6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
    7. Shave.
    8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?
    9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
    10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
    11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
    12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!
    13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
    14. Censored by your son.
    15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
    16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
    17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!
    18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!
    19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
    20. Meow occasionally.
    21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
    22. Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!
    23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
    24. Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.
    25. Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.
    26. Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.
    27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.
    28. Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!
    29. Leave a box between the doors.
    30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
    31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.
    32. Start a sing-along.
    33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?
    34. Play the harmonica.
    35. Shadow box.
    36. Say Ding! at each floor.
    37. Lean against the button panel.
    38. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.
    39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
    40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.
    41. Bring a chair along.
    42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?
    43. Blow spit bubbles.
    44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
    45. Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.
    46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
    47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
    48. Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.
    49. Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.
    50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!

101 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE

    1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
    3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
    4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
    5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
    6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
    7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
    8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
    9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
    10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
    11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
    12. Sniffle incessantly.
    13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
    14. Name your dog "Dog."
    15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
    16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
    17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
    18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
    19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
    20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
    21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
    22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
    23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
    24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
    25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
    26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
    27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
    28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
    29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
    30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
    31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
    32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
    33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
    34. Drum on every available surface.
    35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
    36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
    37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
    38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
    39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
    40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
    41. Set alarms for random times.
    42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
    43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
    44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
    45. Honk and wave to strangers.
    46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
    47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
    48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
    49. Wear your pants backwards.
    50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
    51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
    52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
    53. only type in lowercase.
    54. dont use any punctuation either
    55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
    56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
    57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
    58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
    59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
    60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
    61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
    62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
    63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
    64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
    65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
    66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
    67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
    68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
    69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
    70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
    71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
    72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
    73. Drive half a block.
    74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
    75. Ask people what gender they are.
    76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
    77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
    78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
    79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
    80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
    81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
    82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
    83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
    84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
    85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
    86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
    87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
    88. Sing along at the opera.
    89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
    90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
    91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
    92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
    93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
    94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
    95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
    96. Never make eye contact.
    97. Never break eye contact..
    98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
    99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
    100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
    101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

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Angeles City, Philippines
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

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