Joke Time Muna

AMERICAN ENGLISH:
Eat All You Can,
don’t be shy,
feel at home!

IN TAGALOG:
kain lang kayo ng kain,
walanghiya kayo,
pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to!

PEDRO: Anong pulutan nyo kahapon sa
birthday mo?
JUAN: Pata!
PEDRO: Wow! Anong klaseng pata?
JUAN; PATA galan ng kwento!

JINGGOY: Dad, bakit ba maalat at may
asin sa dagat?
ERAP: Sinadya yan ni Lord para sa
ganun hindi mapanis ang mga isda..

ADIK: Doc, grabe yung panaginip ko
gabi gabi,
kasi lagi daw ako nanunuod ng
basketball.
DOCTOR: sige halika may gamot ako para
dyan.
ADIK: Wag muna dok, championship game
na mamaya eh!

AMO: kelan lang tayo bumili ng
toothpick,
bakit naubos agad?
MAID: ewan ko po mam, kapag ako po ang
gumamit sinosoli ko naman ah!

TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?
BOY#1: Naglaba mam!
TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?
BOY#2: Naglalaba!
TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE
TENSE?
BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!

English Movies You Should Never Translate to Tagalog

1. black hawk down – ibong maitim sa ibaba

2. dead man’s chest – dodo ng patay

3. i know what you did last summer – uyy… aminin!

4. love, actually – sa totoo lang, pag-ibig

5. million dollar baby – 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the
exchange rate of the country)

6. the blair witch project – ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair

7. mary poppins – si mariang may putok

8. snakes on a plane – nag-ahasan sa ere

9. the postman always rings twice – ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging
dalawang beses

10. sum of all fears – takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat

11. swordfish – talakitok

12. pretty woman – ganda ng lola mo

13. robin hood, men in tights – si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat

14. four weddings and a funeral – kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal,
mamamatay ka rin

15. the good, the bad and the ugly – ako, ikaw, kayong lahat

16. harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone – adik si harry, tumira ng shabu

17. click – isang pindot ka lang

18. brokeback mountain – may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala
/bumigay sa bundok

19. the day of the dead – ayaw tumayo (ng mga patay)

20. waterworld – basang-basa

21. there’s something about mary – may kwan sa ano ni maria

22. employee of the month – ang sipsip

23. resident evil – ang biyenan

24. kill bill – kilitiin sa bilbil

25. the grudge – lintik lang ang walang ganti

26. nightmare before christmas – binangungot sa noche buena

27. never been kissed – pangit kasi

28. gone in 60 seconds – 1 round, tulog

29. the fast and the furious – ang bitin, galit

30. too fast, too furious – kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit

31. dude, where’s my car – dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?

32. beauty and the beast – ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya

33. the lord of the rings – ang alahero

Chinese Names

Born during the night = Andy Lim
Born blind = Kenneth Sy
Born being swindled = Lino Co
Born while cooking = Nilo Toh
Born as 10th child = Sam Po
Born while being courted = Lily Gaw
Born fat = Bob Uy
Born little = Kathy Ting
Born different = Eva Yan
Born with porridge = Lino Gaw
Born looking for someone = Allen Sia
Born while counterfeiting = Faye King
Born during Sunday = Lyn Go
Born with malice = Mali Sia
Born angry with someone = Ally Tan
Born with picture = Lara Huan
Born with sweets = Ken Dy
Born undefined = Sam Ting
Born while taking a bath = Lily Go
Born not to take a bath = Dinah Lily Go
Born while buying = Bill Li
Born secretly = Tina Go
Born to pass flatus = Otto Tin
Born ugly = Kaw Yan
Born Normal = Nath Ting Wong
Born Abnormal = Sam Ting Wong
May reklamo ka? = Nath Ting

LIFE CYCLE

3 to 8 yrs. old : Paramihan ng toys.

9 to 18 yrs. old : Pataasan ng grades.

19 to 25 yrs. old : Padamihan ng syota

26 to 35 yrs. old. Pagandahan ng asawa

36 to 45 yrs. old : .Palakihan ng income

46 to 55 yrs. old : Padamihan ng kabit.

56 and after : PADAMIHAN NG SAKIT!

WISDOM THAT OUR PARENTS GIVEN US!

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

“Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo, kalilinis ko lang ng bahay.”

2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay:

“Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!”

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC:

“Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko.”

4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC:

“Pag ikaw nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng sine.”

5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY:

“Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!”

6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM:

“Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!”

7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng STAMINA:

“Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga’t di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!”

8. At! si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER:

“Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan ng bagyo!”

9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE:

“Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito.”

10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

“Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang umarte na parang Nanay mo!”

11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS:

“Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!”

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung a! nong ibig sabihin ng ENVY:

“Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang. Di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?”

13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION:

“Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!”

14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING:

“Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!”

15. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR:

“Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!”

16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang JUSTICE:

“Balang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak…tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging sakit din sa ulo!”

Pagkakaiba ng Mayaman sa Mahirap

Kung mayaman ka, meron kang “allergy”;

Kung mahirap ka,ang tawag dyan ay “galis” o “bakokang”.

********************************

Sa mayaman, “nervous breakdown” dahil sa “tension and stress”.

Sa mahirap, “sira ang ulo”;

********************************

Sa mayamang “malikot ang kamay” ang tawag ay “kleptomaniac”;

Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay “magnanakaw” o “kawatan”

********************************
Pag mayaman ka, you’re “eccentric”;

Kung mahirap ka, “may toyo ka sa ulo” o “may topak” o “may sayad”.

********************************

Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may “migraine”.

Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay “nalipasan ng gutom”;

********************************

Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is “scoliotic”.

Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay “kuba”;

********************************

Kung ang senorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay “morena” o “kayumanggi”.

Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay “ita” o “negrita” o “baluga”;

********************************

Kung nasa high society ka, you are called “slender” o balingkinitan”;

Kung mahirap ka lang, you are plainly called “payatot” o “patpatin” o “ting-ting”.

********************************

Kung nasa high society ka pa rin at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay “petite”;

Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay “pandak” o “bansot” o “unano” o “jabbar”.

********************************

Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay “pleasingly plump”;

Kapag mahirap ka at ika’y “mataba”, “tabatsoy” o “lumba-lumba”, pagminamalas ka, “baboy”.

********************************

Kung well-off ka, at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay “game”;

Kung mahirap ka ikaw ay “pakawala”.

********************************

Kung mayamang alembong ka ang tawag sa iyo ay “liberated”;

Pero kung isa kang dukha ang tawag sa iyo “malandi”.

********************************

Kung maypera ka ang tawag sa iyo “single parent”;

Pero kung wala kang trabaho ang tawag sa iyo “disgrasyada”.

********************************

Health conscious ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang kinakain;

Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na kumakain ng ganito.

********************************

Sa exclusive school, “assertive” ang mga batang sumasagot sa mga guro

Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa kanila ay “walang hiya”.

********************************

Ang mayamang tumatanda, “are graduating gracefully into senior citizenhood”;

Ang mga mahihirap ay “gumugurang”.

********************************

Ang anak ng mayaman ay “slow learner”;

Ang anak ng mahirap ay “bobo” o “gunggong”.

********************************

Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you flatter your host who says,”masarap kang kumain and I like you, you do justice to my cooking”;

********************************

Kung ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the same house, your host

will say to himself na ikaw ay “patay-gutom” o “hampaslupa” o “masiba”.

********************************

Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa PC mo, “okay lang”;

Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang, ikaw ay “nagbubulakbol” kaya

JOKE TIME AGAIN!


JUDGE: isa ka palang pusher, kidnapper, gun for hire, gambling lord, swindler at bugaw! Wala ka bang matinong hanapbuhay?
ACCUSED: meron po. Pulis po ako.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——-

BETH: halata na ang tiyan mo. Bakit hindi pa kayo papakasal ng BF mo?
MARIA: ayaw ng pamilya niya eh.
BETH: sino may ayaw, tatay o Nanay?
MARIA: yung misis niya.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——-

Quiapo Church :
MRS: Lord, bigyan ninyo ako ng P1,000 kasi anak ko na sa hospital.
Narinig ng pulis, naawa, binigyan ng P500.
MRS: Lord, next time huwag padaan sa pulis, nabawasan agad

———— ——— ——— ——— ——-

Young lady to the new parish priest:
LADY: Father, ang cute mo, bakit pumayag kang magpari?
PRIEST: Ayaw kasi pumayag ni mama na mag-MADRE ako!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——-

JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad.
JEEP DRIVER: saan galling?
JEEP PASSENGER: sa akin.
JEEP DRIVER: papunta saan?
JEEP PASSENGER: sayo

———— ——– ——— ——— ——–

Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?

Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.

———— — ——— ———– ———- ———-

Guro: What is 34 books + 25 books?

Pilo: 59 books po.
Guro: Good. Ang 18 + 29 + 30 books?
Pilo: 77 books.
Guro: Very good. Now, what is 950 + 136 + 672 + 490 + 854 books?
Pilo: Ma’am, library po!

———— – ———— — ———— ———– ——–

Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado ‘yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.



Another one from japanese prank jokes!.. Japanese I think has a very great sense of humor! Their gags are completely outrageous. Expect to see more videos like this on my page on the next days.^_^ Hope you guys enjoy and relieve your stress after a long day of work through my simple yet funny & techy blog. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Placing your comment is very much appreciated. Thanks!

TOP TEN REASONS WHY COMPUTERS ARE MALE

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody's home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.

Extremely Funny - Japanese Practical Jokes



Watch this guyz.. It's really really funny to the extreme! I can't imagine myself pee in front of the public. What if it also happened to you? What will you do?lolz

Telephone (Official Music Video Parody) - Lady Gagita feat. Haronce





This is the official music video parody of Mayaman University entitled "Telephone" (originally performed by Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce) starring Lady Gagita feat. Benzonce with the special participation of Tom Gibson and other Mayaman University talents uploaded this 18th day of April, 2010.

BRAIN TEASER

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years - Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 10 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together - How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!

Please click on the link IQ ANSWERS ( Top right corner of this page ) for the correct answers.

Bubble Gang Bitoy Bathroom Dance




Bitoy and his gang's Titled Bathroom Dance by Gagang Lady (Bad romance by Lady gaga) spoof, Video clip from GMA7, Aired May 14, 2010

GMANews.TV Interviews PCOSMachine via Twitter

Click on the image for larger view!
Click on the image for larger view!

Resignation Letter


Dear Manager,


I'm resigning with immediate effect -

the reason for my resignation is what i found in my garage this morning before coming to work.




See for yourself.......























Sincerely Yours,

ANONYMOUS

Signs You Are Having A Bad Day


1. You woke up in a strange place





2. You had trouble getting out of bed





3. You washed your hair and couldn't do a thing with it




4. You feel like you have a hangover and you weren't even drinking last night






5. Your new diet doesn't seem to be working





6. You pulled a muscle when you tried to exercise





7. Your new hat looked better on you at the store





8. Your old hat doesn't seem quite right either





9. The dry cleaners shrunk your favorite outfit





10. You keep losing things






11. You have a stiff neck







12. You feel like you're in the wrong place at the wrong time






13. The boss chewed you out at work





14. You got caught in the rain at lunchtime





15. The lunch you had didn't seem to agree with you




16. You get no respect





17. You feel trapped





18. Traffic on the way home was brutal





19. Uninvited guests showed up at dinnertime





20. Dinner left you feeling a bit queasy





21. You think you're coming down with the flu





22. You're alone in the house at night and you hear a noise in the basement


About Me

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Angeles City, Philippines
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

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